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Alt-right club recruits minority executive to prove they’re not racist

By Robin McDonald, March 21 2017 —

After a wave of allegations of racism and sexism, the Friendly Alt-Right Campus Extremists (FARCE) club is taking steps to repair their image. They have recruited a token ambiguous minority to serve as a club spokesperson and showcase the club’s devotion to diversity, proving that they are, in fact, not racist.

“I mean, we were already a very diverse group of people,” club vice-president Bobby McDermott said. “We have blondes, brunettes and gingers. Some of our members vacationed in Florida over the winter break and came back very tanned, so really, we accept all kinds of people here.”

However, McDermott thought the recruitment of a racially ambiguous member would do well to counter any arguments that the club — which recently proposed the creation of a White History Month — was inherently racist.

“The daily struggle and prejudice white people face is great, but people just don’t seem to understand,” McDermott said while putting the finishing touches on his costume for the club’s proposed White History Month, which included a white bedsheet. “Can you believe people think we’re racist?”

They said they would face these issues through a new recruitment campaign called Locating Intercultural Executives (LIE). McDermott is happy with the progress of the campaign, which led the club to their new recruit.

“Now when anyone says we’re just a bunch of racist white guys, we can say ‘and one minority, too,’” McDermott said.

McDermott admitted he did not actually know where the new recruit was from, nor did he care.

“I’m just guessing they get stopped at airport security a lot,” McDermott said.

The new member is set to take on the role of the director of public image. However, no one has seen or heard from him, as he is “still transitioning into the role.”

McDermott said the club has finally ended racism and that it is no longer an issue to talk about anymore.

This article is part of our humour section.

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