Five ways to reinvent yourself for the new semester

By Hurmut Humayun, September 6 2017 —

New semester, new you. It’s never too late to reinvent yourself — this semester, reinvent yourself into someone who can at least pretend to have their shit together. With the new semester ramping up, here are some tried and true ways to make this semester your best yet.

Hit up Clubs Week:
Sign up for literally every club and activity you see at every table — even if you are not interested in them at all. It’s all a part of the university experience. How else are you supposed to find your true self if you don’t try everything? After all, this is the semester you plan on getting “involved.” You definitely will not regret the weekly emails cluttering your inbox.

Buy an overpriced day planner:
The more money you spend on a designer day planner, the more likely your classmates will take you seriously. Matching stationery will help establish an alpha status among your peers. Don’t even bother doing a task unless it’s been written in your agenda in glitter gel pen and is accompanied by a cute sticker. Trust me, this isn’t a waste of your time or money.

Ditch the first week of classes:
Spend that time scoping out campus and surrounding neighbourhoods for the best places to snap a few pics for the ‘gram. Employers will care more about your #ootd and #studygram feed than your experience or skills. Besides, how else are you supposed to prove that you study? With good grades? Yeah right.

Network:
Seems simple enough, right? It’s not. Network with everyone at every chance you get. Being pushy and aggressive is your best bet at making meaningful connections. Hell, stalking is totally fine. Bonus points if you can get every dean to add you on LinkedIn without getting a restraining order.

Budget:
Stay money-smart by planning out your monthly finances. Make sure to include things like alcohol, dumb objects Buzzfeed told you to decorate your dorm room with, alcohol, subpar food at MacHall, alcohol and an overpriced U of C hoodie. Oh yeah — and alcohol.

This article is part of our humour section.