MyUofC’s mobile experience revealed to be bubble wrap simulator

By Mickail Hendi, November 9 2018 —

From the dawn of humankind, we’ve waited for myUofC’s promised mobile experience. For a while it felt like all you could actually do on the mobile experience was leave it. But now, myUofC has finally rolled out the new mobile experience in all its glory.

“This is the epitome of my career — my magnum opus,” said Roger Werner, the project’s lead developer. “It’s so simple, I can’t believe no one has come up with it yet. I simply took the average student’s sense of hopelessness and I combined it with their overwhelming desire to distract themselves from that very feeling. The answer presented itself to me in the purest form of mindless distraction: bubble wrap.”

The reaction to the newly unveiled website has been overwhelmingly positive. On the day of the launch, MacHall was completely engulfed by the sound of bubble wrap popping as students made their online pilgrimage to the site.

“I used to use myUofC for stuff like paying tuition,” said first-year economics student Sarah McInnis. “It was super depressing because I have no money. But playing with the new mobile experience distracts me from my financial problems and provides all the joy of bubble wrap with none of the plastic! It’s both fun and environmentally conscious.”

But not everyone is a fan. John van der Biek, president of the Anti-Bubble Wrap Alliance of Alberta (ABWAA), had some less kind words for Werner’s masterpiece.

“This app glorifies bubble wrap, which is easily the inferior method of padding packages, packing peanuts being the best for their delightful crunch. It’s a real danger for students, who are popping fake bubble wrap instead of studying and going to class. It’s even been a gateway for some into real bubble wrap,” said van der Biek, who cited a rise in dropout rates immediately following the mobile experience’s release.

However, Werner said these consequences are balanced out by the feeling of artistic fulfilment he achieved from developing the site.

“You can’t make an omelette without sabotaging a few students’ career paths,” said Werner, reiterating that university is not for everybody.

This article is part of our humour section.