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Astrological reasons why you should drop this class

By Frankie Hart, January 18 2019 —


(Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)

Your professor will announce that since they weren’t supposed to ask for doctor’s notes anymore, if you’re sick, you have to be examined by them personally. Seems like a bit much, but that participation mark will be worth it!


(Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)

Instead of going over course material or even any sort of course introduction, your professor will simply lean back in their chair, turn on a TED Talk and take a nap. Maybe the tests will be easy, but you were actually kind of hoping to learn something.


(Feb. 19 – March 20)

A quick Google search of your professor’s name will reveal that they’re in a ska band. If you’re not immediately psyched by this, you should drop the course immediately.


(March 21 – April 19)

There are students who snack in class — and then there’s this guy. In every class you’ve had so far, he’s brought a plate of hot pasta to slurp during lecture. The next time will be different. Before chomping into his spaghetti, he’ll reach into his backpack, pull out a chunk of parmesan and grate it right then and there. Get out now, the cheese will only get smellier.


(April 20 – May 20)

Your class will just have, like, bad vibes, ya know?


(May 21 – June 20)

You’ll finally read up on the current state of climate change. It’s hard for you to justify wasting your time in class when you should be savouring your last moments before the Earth floods.


(June 21 – July 22)

Your professor will declared that they fully intend to keep their New Year’s resolution of not making any students cry this year. “Third time’s the charm,” they’ll add, nervously.


(July 23 – Aug. 22)

Some quick calculations reveal that one student in your class will have taken up 40 per cent of the total class time asking questions that either the professor was just about to get to or are chunks of niche information for them to flex on the class disguised as a question. Get out of there!


(Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)

You can’t quite put your finger on it, but there’s something off about this class. “This isn’t a classroom,” your professor will say. “Please get out, only Carl’s Jr. employees are allowed back here.” Sweet, class ended early!


(Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)

Looking at the syllabus, you can already tangibly feel how badly this class will stress you out. Luckily, it’s not a requirement, so you will drop it. Sometimes, things just work out!


(Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)

You’ve tried sitting in different spots but there’s a constant, unidentified draft in this room. How are you supposed to deal with a whole semester of this?


(Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)

Realizing that all your professors do is regurgitate readings, you will drop all your classes and read the textbooks instead. Wow, who knew how much you could learn if you just did the readings?

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