Your future is yikes

By Frankie Hart, September 23 2019 —

Libra

(Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)

You’ll get sacked from your club for bringing a fake gun to school. Yikes.

Scorpio

(Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)

You’ll decide to give yourself bangs at 3 a.m. using safety scissors. Yikes.

Sagittarius 

(Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)

You’ll spend hours just staring into your empty Google Docs page before finally closing your laptop and going to sleep. Yikes.

Capricorn

(Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)

You’ll stare into your own reflection in the mirror until you simply start crying. Yikes.

Aquarius

(Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)

You’ll spend 40 hours on TikTok this week. Yikes.

Pisces

(Feb. 19 – March 20)

You’ll buy a 12-month Webkinz World™ Deluxe Membership in an attempt to fill the void. Yikes.

Aries

(March 21 – April 19)

You’ll fall asleep on the toilet in the SA bathrooms. Yikes.

Taurus

(April 20 – May 20)

You’ll play Minecraft for the first time in a while and cry because you are feeling intense nostalgia… for Minecraft… Yikes.

Gemini

(May 21 – June 20)

You’ll reach for your keys and instead discover a pile of mouse bones. Yikes.

Cancer

(June 21 – July 22)

You’ll attempt launching a career as an Instagram influencer. Yikes.

Leo

(July 23 – Aug. 22)

You’ll sign up for an open mic while blasted and go way over time talking about sashimi. Yikes.

Virgo

(Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)

You’ll foolishly believe that being a Virgo makes you anything like Beyoncé. Yikes.