Federal leader’s debate 2019: A vibe check

By Frankie Hart, October 11 2019 —

At 5 p.m. on Oct 7., students arrived at The Den for the Leaders’ Debate Viewing Party. They were encouraged to partake in party-coloured beers and indulge in a very sweet deal — $12.75 for all-you-can-eat chicken nuggets. There were seven types of sauces available to pair with the nuggies — barbeque, ranch, honey mustard, Szechuan, sweet and sour, plum and buffalo.

When I first decided to go to this event, it was with the absolute intention to be fully attentive to the debate. However, there were some factors I did not account for that, quite honestly, messed with my vibes.

First off, there was a sizable rowdy group up front who felt the need to incessantly cheer whenever any comment was made by a man who looked like a lamp post with skin stretched over him. My vibes were under attack immediately, it seemed.

Secondly, hard sodas were $4.75, $8.50 for doubles. I adore pretty much any vanilla-flavoured soda, and thus immediately ordered a vanilla hard soda. Vibes were partially restored.

Third, I couldn’t hear what anyone was saying. Due partially to the aforementioned rambunctious group, partially to constant crosstalk and partially to my frustration at reading live transcriptions of dialogue, it was incredibly easy to simply check out. Why would I pay attention to the debate when its contents were preemptively provided on bingo sheets passed around? How, even, was I expected to pay attention to anything except for the astutely identified way that Scheer “smiles like a haunted doll,” as identified by the bingo?

My personal turning point hit when my nuggies arrived. Imagine the circle-shaped nuggets from McDonalds, but you don’t have to distract yourself from intrusive thoughts about their real content. Also, they’re crispier. I got Szechuan sauce with mine as I partook in a debate over what amount of chicken nuggets would make the all-you-can-eat deal most worth it. The conclusion? Since nuggets come in orders of ten, and not all of us are up to the task of horfing down 20 nuggies in one sitting, a single order just might do the trick — once the accompanying fries are considered in the price. This debate ended up being productive, interesting and resulted in everyone winning in some way, because nuggies. I wish I could say the same about the debate happening onscreen.

If you decided to skip out on an evening of debate and nugget-debauchery, this brief review will sum it up in the format of a less family-friendly game.

Meet and Greet:

I am ready to meet, greet, as well as eat, many more nuggets at any time, any place, for any reason.

Retweet:

One of the less bleak sound bytes from the night came from NDP leader Jagmeet Singh, who said “What we have here is Mr. Trudeau and Mr. Scheer arguing about who’s worse for Canada. We gotta start presenting who’s gonna be best for Canada.”

Yeet:

Oh, the things I would yeet! The unfortunate brief buffering, I would yeet. But based on the disturbance their presence brought to my ability to participate in the democratic process, the boisterous batch of babblers thoroughly require their vibes to be checked.

This article is part of our humour section.