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Illustration by Sylvia Lopez

Horoscopes: What gives each sign the ick?

By Ramrio Bustamante Torres, February 26 2022—

Sometimes we ignore the red flags because we see life through rose-coloured lenses. But then something your crush does knock the glasses off and life comes back to technicolour. 


(February 20 – March 20):

You will find out your crush does not agree with the character ships you have decided on from your favourite show.


(March 21 – April 20):

After challenging your crush to a game of monopoly — and winning — you will get to see how much of a sore loser they can be.


(April 21 – May 20):

Your crush will keep picking dates that involve going out to a new, crowded place, but never opt for staying home and watching a new show or playing a game together. 


(May 21 – June 21):

You found out that your crush likes you back and you lose interest since there is no chase now.


(June 22 – July 22):

You will not receive a “good morning” or “good night” text from your crush every day which leads you to believe that they stopped caring. You stage a pre-breakup in your head immediately.


(July 23 – August 21):

Your crush dislikes the soft launch of your relationship on your social media, leading you to delete all of the posts you had already made.


(August 22 – September 22):

Your crush has a terrible work ethic and chooses to procrastinate, which rubs you the wrong way and you delete their contact info.


(September 23 – October 22):

Your crush is even more indecisive and flaky than you are which forces you to be assertive. And that won’t do. 


(October 23 – November 22):

Your crush won’t like all your Instagram posts and write a loving comment under each of them which defeats the whole purpose of dating for you. 


(November 23 – December 21):

Your crush won’t respond to all of the memes you’ve sent them over the past few days so you will send fewer and fewer memes until you unfollow them.


(December 22 – January 20):

You see that your crush had not created and followed a 10-year plan that they keep in their notes app on their phone, ruining your second date idea.


(January 21 – February 19):

Your crush was not the idealized version you made in your head once you meet them, and you consequently ghost them after that.

This article is part of our humour section.

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