Incredibly naive students vow to study early for the soul-consuming midterms

By Jorja Strickland, November 16 2022—

This year, there has been a record high of students taking an official vow to start studying early for their midterms. However, the question must be asked — can they follow through? Between an instinctive tendency towards caffeine-fuelled all-nighters and a deep-rooted, communal trait of procrastination, these vows seem as flimsy as New Year’s resolutions. Let’s be honest, there’s no way you have time to learn a new language and no, saving money is not at all plausible, especially when relying on Starbucks as sustenance. These idealistic vow-makers are going to face many challenges throughout their journey, from the ongoing notes and assignments to the new show that just came out on Netflix, they need some backup to fulfill their commitment. 

There are only a few key ways to complete this vow, a prominent one being to romanticize studying. That’s right. It’s time to resort to TikTok yet again to guide us through troubled times. Turn studying into an aesthetic, with those insanely expensive highlighters, a massive mug of coffee  — preferably iced — and a new playlist that will bring trauma post-midterms. If you don’t want to employ the use of those questionable study supplies, another desperate method is gaslighting yourself into believing studying won’t be that bad this year — poor engineering majors get hit especially hard with this strategy. Alternatively, you can consider joining study groups where you must interact with that one obnoxious student that actually wants to put in an effort — gross. 

None of these options seem favourable, but at least with the excuse of studying to maintain your vow, you’ll get out of three main things:

• Family gatherings with young kids who have yet to learn boundaries

• That run that you were definitely going to go on — definitely

• Hanging out with that one friend that is doing too well at university to be good for your own self-esteem. 

I can safely conclude that, although with the best intentions, this vow to study early for midterms is hopeless. Being the youthful university students that we are, we are too far set in our ways. Instead, I put forward a proposal to just give up now. Take the easy way out like a champion. Get back to that Netflix series that you’re watching for the fifth — okay, ninth — time, concede that it’s “all basically common sense anyway,” and promise yourself that next semester will be different. Next semester you will absolutely start studying early. You may even take a vow to prove it.

This article is part of our humour section.