Which university stereotype are you based on your coffee order?
By Josie Simon, October 1 2024—
1. What’s your go-to coffee size?
a) Small
b) Medium
c) Large
d) Extra large
2. How do you take your coffee?
a) Black
b) With a splash of milk
c) Lots of cream and sugar
d) As a fancy latte or cappuccino
3. Where do you usually get your coffee?
a) I’m not a coffee drinker
b) Chain coffee shops
c) Local independent cafes
d) I make it myself
4. How often do you drink coffee?
a) Once a day
b) Multiple times a day
c) Only during exam season
d) I prefer energy drinks or tea
5. What’s your favourite coffee add-in?
a) Nothing extra
b) Flavored syrup
c) Whipped cream
d) Alternative milk (soy, almond, oat)
6. When do you typically drink your coffee?
a) First thing in the morning
b) During class
c) Late at night while studying
d) All day long
7. How much do you typically spend on coffee?
a) As little as possible
b) $5-$7 per cup
c) Whatever it costs for the fanciest drink
d) I have a monthly coffee budget
8. What’s your preferred coffee temperature?
a) Piping hot
b) Iced
c) Room temperature
d) Doesn’t matter, as long as it has caffeine
9. How do you feel about seasonal coffee drinks?
a) I stick to my usual order year-round
b) I love trying new flavours each season
c) I only care about pumpkin spice lattes
d) I make my own unique seasonal blends
10. What do you do while drinking your coffee?
a) Focus solely on enjoying the coffee
b) Socialize with friends
c) Cram for exams
d) Work on creative projects
11. How would you rate the importance of coffee in your daily routine?
a) It’s a nice treat, but not essential
b) It’s a regular part of my morning ritual
c) It helps me get through the day, but I could survive without it
d) It’s a necessity, I’d be lost without it
Results:
Mostly A’s: The STEM Snob
You excel academically and carry an air of superiority, believing your achievements in STEM set you apart. While your work ethic is commendable, it might be time to dial back the self-importance, especially since you’re still a first-year student who has yet to pass their first intro class. Calm down, tiger!
Mostly B’s: The Performative Activist
You think you’re saving the world with a few trendy hashtags, but let’s be honest—you’re all talk and no action. Your social media rants are more about getting likes than creating real change. If you truly cared, you would put down your phone and start doing something meaningful instead of just curating your online persona.
Mostly C’s: The Chronic Class Skipper
Attendance isn’t your strong suit, as you tend to make cameo appearances in class just a few times each semester. Surprisingly, you still manage to get by, but your approach certainly raises questions about your dedication to learning.
Mostly D’s: The Uncomfortable Flirt
You flirt with professors like you’re trying to land a part in a bad romantic comedy, leaving everyone cringing in disbelief. At least 30 years older than you, this dynamic is more awkward than charming. Your need for attention is sad and newsflash: this isn’t the right way to get it.
This article is part of our humour section.