10 signs you’re dating the broke boyfriend
By Josie Simon, October 3 2024—
Welcome to the world of the broke boyfriend — a unique species in the dating ecosystem where ambition is optional and adulting is merely a suggestion. It’s not just about not having money; it’s an entire mindset. Dating someone like this means being caught in a relentless cycle of excuses, laziness and narcissism. If your partner exhibits any of the following signs, you might want to reassess the value he brings to your life.
1. Refuses to work:
Your boyfriend thinks a regular 9-to-5 job is beneath him. He lounges around, claiming he’s just waiting for his “big break.” Meanwhile, all he’s breaking is records for the most time wasted pretending to be someone important while contributing absolutely nothing.
2. PS5 addict:
If he’s spending over 8 hours a day glued to the PS5, congratulations! You’re dating a man-child. While he’s levelling up imaginary characters, you’re dealing with someone stunted in maturity.
3. Blames everything on immigrants:
Loves to rant about how immigrants are taking all the jobs, even though the last job he applied for was a decade ago. His skill set includes complaining and smelling like cat pee.
4. The “just a kid” excuse:
If “I’m just a kid” is still his excuse at 25, slap him with a dose of reality. Acting like a child isn’t just pathetic — it’s a guaranteed way to stay stuck in loser-ville.
5. Calls himself an “entrepreneur”:
He proudly labels himself as an “entrepreneur” in his social media bios, but the reality couldn’t be more different. If daydreaming in his mom’s basement about get-rich-quick schemes makes him one, then sure, he’s destined for greatness. Spoiler: it doesn’t, and he’s not.
6. Jealous of your success:
Got a promotion or a big win? He’s there to rain on your parade. Your success magnifies what he’s been unable to achieve, and he’ll make sure to downplay your accomplishments.
7. Calls women “females”:
When he refers to women as “females,” he might think he’s being clever or intellectual. In reality, it highlights his ignorance and disrespect, exposing how little he understands or values women.
8. Uses “Alpha” non-ironically:
He boasts about being an “alpha” as if it’s his ticket to masculinity. Yet, leading his online gaming clan is the peak of his leadership credentials. Sorry, but calling yourself an “alpha” doesn’t count when you can’t even lead yourself off the couch.
9. Affectionate in stores:
Notice he suddenly turns into Mr. Affectionate whenever you’re shopping? That’s not love; it’s a tactic to get you to buy him stuff. Its emotional manipulation meets commercialism.
10. Hasn’t read a book since third grade:
He brags about not reading like it’s an accomplishment. Reading is a “waste of time,” he claims. No wonder the only thing filling his brain is endless nonsense from reality TV and red-pill podcasts. Stimulating conversation? That’s off the menu.
If these points are eerily familiar, you’ve landed yourself the living, breathing definition of a deadbeat. It’s time to ask yourself: are you going to keep babysitting a man-child, or are you ready to upgrade to someone who’s got their life together? The choice is yours.
This article is part of our humour section.