2022 SU General Election Full Supplement

Noted pumpkin spice hater seen with latte

By Melanie Bethune, October 16 2014 —

Fifth-year geology major Arthur Langley, also known as that one guy on your Twitter feed who won’t stop complaining about pumpkin spice, was spotted last week leaving the MacHall Starbucks with the infamous latte in hand.

Witnesses report seeing Langley taking a long, savouring sip from the white cup, smiling and referring to the beverage as “so fucking good” and “autumn in a cup,” before hastily concealing the drink behind a textbook.

When asked for comment, Langley denied any affiliation with the beverage.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Langley said. “I definitely got a venti-quadruple-long-espresso-shot-black Americano. Pumpkin spice lattes are for trashy white girls to post pictures of on Instagram. And while we’re on the topic, why does everything have to be pumpkin spice flavoured? Like, what’s next? Pumpkin spice scantrons for our final exams? Lolz. I’m defs going to post that on Twitter.”

However, the evidence works against Langley’s claims.

“Yeah I definitely sold a pumpkin spice latte to that guy,” said Starbucks employee Emma Kline. “He actually asked for an extra quadruple shot of pumpkin flavouring, which I’ve never seen before. Dude must really love pumpkin spice.”

Langley continues to refute any claims of his consumption of the drink.

“No way man,” he said. “I mean, this girl I dated once said that they might be kind of tasty and warm and comforting, but I wouldn’t know ‘cause I’d never give in to that mainstream trend.”

Hiring | Staff | Advertising | Contact | PDF version | Archive | Volunteer | SU

The Gauntlet