Your future involves you joining a school club

By Tanvi Sankar and Grace Guest Stone, September 18 2017 —

 

Virgo: Fighting Game Club

(Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)

Easy-going and reserved, you’ve always wanted the superpower to be invisible. Kinda like John Cena, who nobody can see. I’d want to be invisible too if I had been in Fred: The Movie and Fred 2: Night of the Living Fred.

 

Libra: Trumpet Studies Society

(Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)

Didn’t make it to the front of your sociology class waitlist? Forget that. Instead, you can see how a trumpet studies society during Clubs Week. Tune in for more.

 

Scorpio: Guys/Girls into Guitar Club

(Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)

You might have been a Valentine’s Day accident, so you’re already familiar with being a disappointment. Why not join a band or get into guitar by joining this club and strumming some chords at your friend’s party?

 

Sagittarius: The Shenanigans Club

 (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)

Sagittarius are curious and energetic folks. Or at least that’s what Google told me. That means you’re probably up to no good, you hooligan.

 

Capricorn: Quidditch Club

 (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)

Your sign is known for being hardworking, determined and really invested in relationships. In fact, you’re a keeper. Quidditch club is perfect for those who are energetic, like Capricorns. I’m dead Sirius.

 

Aquarius: Meme and Comedy Club

(Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)

Aquarius is the water sign, water is wet, wet is the opposite of dry, deserts are dry, desserts are sweet, sweet is the opposite of spicy and memes are spicy, making this the perfect club for you.

 

Pisces: Improv Club

 (Feb. 19 – March 20)

I’m not sure what to put here so I guess I’ll just improvise. Hold up, what? I’m not in charge of writing this one? Then whose line is it anyway? Whatever, I’ll just Carey on.

 

Aries: Do It Yourself Club 

(March 21 – April 19)

I’d write this horoscope — but you’d probably rather do it yourself.

 

Taurus: Frisbee Club

 (April 20 – May 20)

I heard that Taureans can be a little lazy, so you probably need to catch up on your studies. If you’re gonna procrastinate anyway, why not catch a Frisbee?

 

Gemini: Geeks United

 (May 21 – June 20)

Why sit at home playing video games all day? Get up and aim for a six-pac, man! If that’s seems out of your League, join the Geeks United Club! WOW, it’s fun!

 

Cancer: Problem Solving Club

(June 21 – July 22)

Cancer can be one of the most challenging zodiac signs to get to know. Try deciphering yourself by joining this club.

 

Leo: Hip-Hop Dance Club

(July 23 – Aug. 22)

You’ve always secretly wished that you could pop and lock but have been too scared to jump into a dance circle. Learn to bust a move by joining Hip-Hop Dance Club!