How will you get by this finals season?

By Usman Zia, November 23 2017 —

Sagittarius

(Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)

You want to take a few exam prep courses, but can’t stand the thought of losing a couple hundred bucks from your study snacks budget.

Capricorn

(Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)

You’ll join a study group in an effort to have some fun while studying and end up at the Den. Waking up the next morning, you’ll realize you’ve missed your exam.

Aquarius

(Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)

This exam season is a chance to re-evaluate your life. After your marks come in, you’ll end up scoring a job at a multi-billion dollar company. That’s right — it’s McDonald’s.

Pisces

(Feb. 19 – March 20)

You will not sleep for two weeks, pulling all-nighters to study. The dark circles around your eyes will become a fashion trend by the time finals are over.

Aries

(March 21 – April 19)

You’ve failed every midterm  prior to your finals. Somehow, you’ll ace your exams and squeak by each course with a C+.

Taurus

(April 20 – May 20)

You finally picked up something other than your phone for the first time in weeks — a textbook. Until this point, your life was indistinguishable from a virtual reality experience.

Gemini

(May 21 – June 20)

Your dedication and hard work will earn you an A+ in all of your fall courses. Who knows — you may become the one of the lucky few who gets a job when you graduate.

Cancer

(June 21 – July 22)

Ever the social butterfly, you’ll raise everyone’s confidence before going into the exam room. The boost in morale will backfire, as their high marks will result in your grade getting curved down.

Leo

(July 23 – Aug. 22)

After a successful finals season, you will reward yourself by breaking the bank on a pair of Balenciaga Crocs.

Virgo

(Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)

You will not succeed in cheating on your finals — the old trick of putting chapstick over the Scantron bubble sheet failed you again. At least your lips are hella moisturized.

Libra

(Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)

Drinking may not be the best idea to calm yourself before your math final, but no one’s knocking Adderall. So it looks like you’re not doing suspiciously well, leave a few answers blank.

Scorpio

(Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)

You’ll put hours into studying with a group. The pressure to remain accountable almost keeps a Netflix binge at bay. However, you’ll be unable to face your group after a last-minute Stranger Things relapse.