Unsure of how to enter the scary world of Twitter drivel? Want your peers to know that you’re hip and have good praxis? Hoping to flex on those trolls that called you a ‘centrist coward’? Here’s some fool-proof methods of tweeting that will impress your friends and let your mcm/wcw know that you’re ready to be their #wokebae.
Quote-tweet + 😔 :
Hop over to the ‘Moments’ page and find the saddest headline at that moment. Find a tweet about it, retweet and add the 😔 emoji. This is a surefire way of letting your followers know that you not only stay on top of the news, but you have something to say about it! An actual nuanced opinion or research into the topic takes time that you just don’t have. Simply adding a downtrodden emoji conveys the gist of your feelings.
Plus, what if you stated your opinion and it was wrong? That’s how you stay #slept.
Thinking about [topical situation]. Not looking good! #yikes:
Your page can’t be solely filled with retweets or people will think you have no original ideas! This formula is great for when there’s an intense twitter fight that you want to weigh in on, but don’t want to become a part of.
Let everyone know that it’s been on your mind, but only comment on it to the extent that they’ll interpret your stance for you! That’s twice the impact for none of the work. For good measure, add a hashtag. This is Twitter, after all.
Break out the thesaurus on a smarter person’s tweet:
Find an account of someone who seems to know what they’re talking about that people agree with. An easy trick is to take what they say and simply reword it in your retweet! If they have a popular tweet that says something like, “the gingerbread man is a class traitor, don’t support him just because of his performative allyship,” you can retweet it and write, “smh gingy fake af.” This creates the illusion that you’ve expanded upon the conversation, when really you’ve contributed nothing at all.
Sprinkle in some Twitter-isms:
Be sure that when you proof-read your tweet that you include at least one word from Urban Dictionary. Keep tabs on what the kids are saying these days! Stan a skinty legend and spill the tea all over your receipts, sis, because that’s a mood!
This article is part of our humour section.