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Children protest Halloween candy shortage

By Logan Jaspers, August 22 2022

Following Hershey’s announcement that they may be unable to meet demands for Halloween candy this year, thousands of children as young as four have taken to the streets, protesting potential Halloween candy shortages. 

Thus far, the protests demanding Hershey guarantee an adequate supply of candy for this Halloween have largely been peaceful. Over 300 children staged a sit-in in front of Hershey’s Mississauga office, hoping to meet Hershey’s executives and discuss their concerns. The encamped protestors have since occupied themselves with marathons of The Wiggles and extra playtime. Hershey executives did not respond when asked to comment on the protest by the Gauntlet

Meanwhile, others have adopted more subversive tactics. Small groups of disguised children have been spotted spraypainting slogans like “Candy, then Peace,” and “Silence is Hunger,” on sketchy underpasses. School boards across Canada have reported widespread disobedience in K-6 classes, with a dramatic decrease in attendance. Resultantly, experts claim that over 200 children have been grounded by their parents since protests began and that the number of chores performed have collapsed by 400 per cent, consequently reducing allowances. 

Illustrating the protests’ effects on family life, Carolyn Maynard, a concerned 41 year-old mother whose three children are active protestors, said that she has “barely seen [her] children for the past three weeks.”

“They only come home for meals and sleep and they don’t listen to me,”. Maynard said, tearfully. “I tried explaining to them that we always buy too much candy for Halloween. It’s not like they’ll be hurting for candy. Hell, I’ve gone to the store four times since the protests began to buy candy for them before the big rush in October, but even that hasn’t stopped them!”

Maynard is not alone in her buying habits. Grocery stores have been the scene of massive panic-buying, where parents have been hoarding candy to avoid their children’s wrath. The turmoil has caused gladiatorial brawls between buyers over the last boxes of Reese’s and Milk Duds, ironically worsening the shortage that sparked this crisis.

Despite the disruptions the candy protests have caused, they are unlikely to cease soon. When 11-year old Addison Maynard, the oldest of the Maynard children and a de facto protest leader was asked by the Gauntlet what would end the protests, she said Hershey will have to “enthusiastically guarantee we get our chocolate on Oct. 31.”

“Seeing my little sister weeping after hearing the bad news broke my heart and reminded me that for too long, the interests of children have been ignored by the system,” she continued “So, we’re not going anywhere until we get what we want, even if it makes some lives harder. Now, where’s my juicebox?”

Those sympathetic to the plight can find protests at your nearest playground between 9 a.m. and 7 p.m. every day — even protestors have bedtimes.

This article is part of our humour section.

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