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Illustration by Sylvia Lopez

Which campus main character are you?

By Sophia Lopez, September 19 2022

As you walk through campus for the first time, you’ll soon discover the multitude of personalities that roam the University of Calgary. If you’re not in your first year, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. While many of us may just feel like another person taking up space, there are certain people that definitely stand out from the crowd. If you’re wishing to make a statement, which campus main character will you be?

The Sk8er Boy

While in theory I understand the point of skateboarding on campus, it still doesn’t make sense in practice. During peak hours of the day, a skateboard is not going to help you speed past the crowd — no one is going to let you through. If you want to be this type of campus main character, prepare yourself for some glares.

The Makeup-in-the-Science-A-Washroom-Because-I’m-Late Stunner

Been there, done that. You’ll most likely find yourself in this situation at least once during your U of C experience. The Science A washroom is one of the bigger washrooms on campus with a big table and a mirror where people can take a quick look at themselves before heading to wherever they need to go. This is a beloved place where women bond over the fact that everyone’s late to something — but looking good comes first. You might make some friends if you decide to be this campus main character, and you might catch me there as well.

The Venti Drinker

The sound of a Venti-sized Starbucks drink swaying back-and-forth with all that ice is something I envy experiencing on a regular basis — but I can’t be spending seven dollars on coffee everyday, so who am I kidding. If you decide to be this campus main character, you’ll likely get dog side-eyes from jealous people who want to be you … like me.

The TFDL Talker

Wow you’re annoying. I hate going up to one of the quiet floors of the TFDL to do some work, just to end up frustrated because someone couldn’t take their pointless, mindless conversation elsewhere. Yes, everyone can hear you. Sorry I’m bitter, but please don’t be this campus main character. 

The Devils Advocate

Just when it couldn’t get any worse. This campus main character is universally despised, and rightfully so. Voicing an opinion that neither contributes to the class or respects everyone in the room is not you being insightful, it’s just you seeking attention — and unfortunately you won’t be receiving the kind you hoped for.

The Sprinter

This is by far my favourite campus main character ever. While walking between classes, occasionally you’ll catch a glimpse of the an absolute track star booking it somewhere. I like to think that these people don’t really need to be running that fast, or that wherever they have to go isn’t that serious. But there’s always a mystery there — where are they going, what’s going on? If you decide to be this type of campus main character, you’ll definitely be making me giggle. 

Throughout your time at U of C, you’ll discover loads of different campus main characters aside from the ones on this list. It’s up to you which one(s) you choose to be and what consequences or benefits you wish to receive.

This article is part of our humour section.

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