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Horoscope: Winter break woes for the signs

By Ramiro Bustamante Torres, December 16 2022

Finals season has everyone so worried that they think they’re in the clear afterwards. What should you watch out for this winter break to end the year right?


(November 22– December 21):

Once you finish your finals you’ll get the sudden urge to decorate your home with no particular style in mind. Be careful not to blow your entire budget on that IKEA ottoman, especially if it’ll clash with the rest of the decor.  


(December 22 – January 19):

Feeling like you haven’t spent enough time with those close to you, you begin couch surfing during the break under the guise of “‘tis the season” to mask the fact you’re bumming off everyone. At least help with cleaning up after yourself.


(January 20– February 18):

You believe in the spirit of giving but only gifts made by hand because they should have meaning. The new semester will start before you finish any of these new projects as you keep finding new hobbies you’ll base your personality on. 


(February 19 – March 20):

You want to bring people into your life more so you decide to be generous and invite people out and pay for a drink or a snack. However, you’ll soon realize this is exactly what old people do at the park with pigeons, and like pigeons, the people will leave once the bread is gone. 


(March 21 – April 19):

You plan a little get-together with a few of your friends to spend time together after a hard semester. Somehow more and more people have started showing up to your event as “plus ones” filling your party up to the point you end up outside since it’s too full inside.


(April 20– May 20):

Your first instinct this winter is to isolate and hibernate. However, no star is a constellation on its own, so go out and find comfort with others. If others start draining you, just stay out long enough to get your daily vitamin D.


(May 21 – June 20):

You’ve been put in charge of some form of gift exchange with either your friends or for work, all because you bragged about how you could easily wrangle everyone into doing one. Time to put your money where your mouth is and not go over the agreed budget.


(June 21 – July 22):

Every winter break you do the same things so you try to switch it up and make plans to do stuff you’ve never tried before. Somehow you’ve double-booked yourself almost every day which leads to running across the city wondering how you can bail half the stuff you planned.


(July 23 – August 22):

You’ve been talking big game as to how you will go all-out once the semester is over since you’ll have so much more free time. While you know everyone listens to you when you talk, you never thought they would hold it against you. Make sure you have a good excuse for all the promises you made before you have to pull a PR stunt on your social media.

Virgo (August 23– September 22)

You may have the answers to everything but do you know how to take a break that does not involve doing more work? Sometimes binge-watching that show you’ve put off and letting others pick up the slack can also count as being productive.


(September 23 – October 22):

You try to find yourself under the mistletoe whenever possible in hopes of finding someone special, however not every frog can turn into royalty. Sometimes it’s good to try near the fruit punch or just go and talk to your crush to see if you really like them. 


(October 23–November 22)

You have spent all year telling others what they should and should not do, which you were absolutely correct about much to everyone’s ego, but now it’s your turn to follow that advice. It hurts being right when you have to listen to yourself as well.

This article is part of our humour section.

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