By Frankie Hart, November 22 2019 —
(Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)
It’s recently been made apparent to you that you have haters. Try not to get stuck in your feelings about it. Focus on the positives — you should find someone who’s in love with who you are.
(Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)
Although you will spend this Scorpio season tapping into the powers of Danny DeVito, I absolutely do not recommend posting feet pics online. No, not even as a bit.
(Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)
You will live the fantasy of overthrowing the royals. You can start with Aries.
(Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
Consider spending this Scorpio season — and all future seasons — simply taking it easy, ignoring anyone telling you to run for president. Maxin’, relaxin’, just chillin’ in Cedar Rapids.
(Feb. 19 – March 20)
Your star-designated Scorpio is Leonardo DiCaprio, which means you will be attacked by a bear and then die of hypothermia in the middle of the ocean. Just kidding, that’ll just be a bad dream. Or will it?
(March 21 – April 19)
It seems that your overly-lavish ways just might catch up to you soon. I wouldn’t lose my head about it, though.
(April 20 – May 20)
You’ll find out that something about your bathroom routine is very… unusual. Some may describe it as “disgusting,” but I suppose that’s subjective. I won’t elaborate here for your own sake.
(May 21 – June 20)
In true Gemini fashion, you can harness the energies of both famous Scorpio Ryans — Gosling and Reynolds. This means you will be, like, super good at driving.
(June 21 – July 22)
This Scorpio season is pretty flexible to whatever you want it to be, due to your own versatility. If you really wanted to, you could spend the rest of the season as a tree.
(July 23 – Aug. 22)
Despite all the ups and downs of your love life, there is one thing that is sure to pull you through — BDE.
(Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
You will contemplate the immense estate of the world’s richest person and famous Scorpio Bill Gates. There is nothing the stars can do about wealth inequality, unfortunately.
(Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
The stars have assigned you PewDiePie this Scorpio season. Hey, we can’t all be winners.