Pee your way to a UTI-free sex life

By Lola Mckenzie, February 4 2020—

I was 21 years old when I experienced my first kidney exorcism. I spent 12 hours on the midnight Greyhound bus from Regina to Calgary shaking in fetal position. Like a significantly more-hunched Quasimodo, I made it to the disgusting public washrooms and white-knuckled my own knees while attempting to pee acid — maybe two drops came out. I had no idea kidney infections were a thing — let alone their relationship with the all-too-frequent urinary tract infection (UTI). Let me tell you, on Oprah’s honor, they are absolutely a thing. 

I like to learn my lessons in the most brutal way possible. It turns out that a UTI left unattended can travel to the kidneys and wham, bam, thank you ma’am — you are left pissing invisible bloody razor blades with your bare ass fully touching a Greyhound bus station’s public toilet seat.

I have lived, guys. I have lived if only to survive and pass on this advice.

Pee after you have sex. Always, always, always go pee after you have sex. If you are prone to UTIs, I would suggest carrying a sanitary wipe for after you’re done peeing. Don’t risk it. It is a lesson I hope you never have to learn as intensely as I have.

Female anatomy has the vagina, the urethra and the rectum in very close proximity. This allows for a higher chance of bacteria spreading from the back to front door — especially when you’re having sex. By making sure that you go pee after company comes over you can ensure a cleaner hallway from one entrance to the other. Very important stuff. And don’t assume that just because your guest(s) only occupied one area of the house — without canoodling around from the back to the front — that you’re in the no-pee safety zone. Bad assumption. Bacteria can come from saliva, too. Bacteria can be all up in everyone’s business regardless of the activities involved. It is important to keep all entries and exits clean.

So as a general rule moving forward if you didn’t know — now you know. When your genitals have contact with someone else’s genitals, make sure you go pee to flush out any bacteria from your urethra. Even better, when your genitals come in contact with anyone else’s mucous membranes, take a post-party piddle. 

There are many things in life with which I avidly support playing fast and loose. But infecting your urinary tract — or even worse, having the infection spread up into your kidneys — is a situation I suggest keeping a tightly hygienic hold on. Ain’t nobody got time for body-wracking sobs in a bus station bathroom at 6:45 a.m.