Opinions & Features Workshop (Oct 26th)

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Horoscopes: Grad photos, convocation and the future

By Ramiro Bustamante Torres, June 10, 2021—

Gemini

(May 21 – June 21)

Trying to get as many people to see your special moment as possible, you set up an Instagram Live and a fake stage to walk on in your backyard that mimics a more in-person version of the convocation ceremony. Sadly, only your grandma joins your Live and sees you trip on your gown. At least she’ll send you consolation banana bread in the mail. 

Cancer

(June 22 – July 22)

The excitement of graduating can only last so long when you remember you’ve been accepted to medical school this coming fall. You try to enjoy the moment but you know you’ll be back soon. Whether it’s out of happiness or knowledge of future stress, you cry during the ceremony.

Leo

(July 23 – August 21)

Even though there is no valedictorian position, you decide to appoint yourself to the role and buy a sash that matches your gown. You will deliver your speech to a mismatch of plushies you have — and textbooks you couldn’t sell — while the ceremony goes on. 

Virgo

(August 22 – September 22)

You downloaded a “Grad Zoom Background” offered by the university so you could get the most of the experience. You accidentally choose an image of you in a Rex costume from last Halloween as your background and can’t change it before everyone sees it. You’ll get compliments for your costume from those who caught a glimpse.

Libra

(September 23 – October 22)

Graduating from two faculties, you have two ceremonies you get to watch. Unable to decide which to see first you miss both and belatedly realize it did not matter in what order you saw them. Thankfully the ceremony videos are available afterwards and you can agonize over the choice more extensively.

Scorpio

(October 23 – November 22)

You had hoped you’d be one of the lucky winners of the grad gold ticket, even after you’ve pulled apart your graduation box to find nothing remotely golden inside. Hurt by your lack of luck, you order bouquets with boxes of chocolates to surprise yourself after the ceremony and cheer yourself up.

Sagittarius

(November 23 – December 21)

Grateful for the free time you have post-graduation, you give yourself time to catch up on some much-needed sleep. Unfortunately for you, your sleep schedule has been messed up and you almost miss the ceremony as you wake up ten minutes before it starts. 

Capricorn

(December 22 – January 20)

The reality of graduating hits you as you throw your cap in the living room and it gets struck down by the ceiling fan. The cap also hits you on its way down, not helping your current mental state. Your only consolation now is knowing you graduated with a perfect GPA and an ice pack for the bruise the cap left.

Aquarius

(January 21 – February 19)

While you are excited for your big day, you’d rather do other things than sit in your gown on a zoom call. Therefore, you make a cardboard cut-out of yourself to take your place during the ceremony with a fan pointed towards it — to move it so it looks more realistic. You are now free to lounge on the side enjoying your evening. 

Pisces

(February 20 – March 20)

You were so excited to receive your grad photos that when they finally arrived, you were horrified to find that the background matched the exact colour of your hair, making you appear bald. The look suits you which worsens your mood.

Aries

(March 21 – April 20)

After convocation ends you decide to go all out and drive out to a field where you start a bonfire and set off firecrackers with three of your closest — and socially distanced — friends to celebrate your accomplishment. Remember not to start a grass fire.

Taurus

(April 21 – May 20)

You had no issues taking your convocation and grad photos and everything seems fine. You’re very suspicious of this and overthink every little detail to see what could’ve gone wrong. You then remember that you had your tassel on the wrong side in all of your pictures. There might be a good photo editor somewhere.

This article is part of our humour section.


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