Rating things cishet men have said to us

By Roog Kubur, Valery Perez, Sophia Lopez, Aymen Sherwani, Julieanne Acosta, Ava Zardynezhad, Megan Koch, June 21 2022—

If there’s one thing that unites every person who isn’t a cisgender, heterosexual (cishet) man, it’s having been harassed by a cishet man at some point in their lives. Here, we’ve compiled the best — but really, the worst — the Gauntlet staff has heard from cishet men to date. 

ROOG: ARTS & SCIENCE EDITOR

“Cheating is the only way you know you’re in love. If you cheat and you feel bad, that’s how you know you love her.” – A man who saw a room of angry women and wanted to stir the pot. 

• 7/10 — The logic is there and there’s a clear flow of ideas. However, that brainpower could’ve been directed towards something else, like working through toxic masculinity or something. 

VALERY: VISUALS EDITOR

“I think the reason you don’t like poetry is because you don’t have the right taste for it. I’m sure you’re picking the wrong kind.” – A random cishet white man.

• 5/10 — I never thought I’d be told that my taste in poetry, a genre of literature I don’t tend to enjoy because I’m cynical and laugh at emotions, needed to be refined. Points for originality and douchebaggery.

“I divorced my wife because I would get home and find the house a mess and no food on the table. She’s just so lazy.” –  A man who married at 19 years old and expected the wife, also 19, who was in full-time studies and apprenticeships, to cook and clean while he only worked a few hours a day.

• 2/10 — I’ve heard this one before, so no points for originality. To be honest, I thought people didn’t think like this anymore but I was proven wrong here.

“I don’t think you should be whoring yourself out to other people when you could be doing things with a perfectly nice guy like me.” – A man whom I’d been friends with for about a decade and had in no way, shape, or form shown he had feelings for me before.

• 8/10 — Out of left field! Caught me off guard and has kept me on my toes ever since. Points off because men don’t deserve 10/10 on anything. 

“You’re very pretty. Almost to my taste..you’re only missing a little bit on the back and you’d be perfect.” – Random guy in a club giving me some fire material to feed my body dysmorphia.

• 4/10 for making me more mentally ill. 

SOPHIA: EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

“This is why girls shouldn’t play baseball.” – A man who only got into university because he passed the baseball tryouts, only to sit on the bench the entire season.

• 4/10 — points off for not being original, but as someone who has played sports for most of their life, this is the last thing you want to hear…so one more point off. Not even his other cis friends who were there backed him up. Kind of embarrassing.  

AYMEN: VOICES EDITOR

“It’s so hard to date these days because every girl I talk to is so uninteresting. I just want to be with an Instagram model who can also talk to me about Marcus Aurelius.” 

• 2/10 — Two points for originality and genuine frustration with the dating pool, but four points off because I tried setting him up with multiple women and he called them all unattractive, ghosted them and claimed they were uninteresting. Four more points off for lack of self-awareness and assuming women need to cater to him and fit a specific mold — he’s an unemployed biological sciences major who’s shorter than all of them, built/dresses like a frail senior citizen and lacks the personality to compensate for his below average looks. Do better. 

“No law school, newspaper or television network in the country will hire you, I have made sure of it…my reach is beyond your imagination.” 

• 5/10 — This was a text I received after I exposed a man for bad mouthing me behind my back after I rejected his ultimatum offer to go out — three points for making me laugh, because men aren’t usually funny, and two more because I love being charitable towards the less fortunate. Overall execution was a tad bit lacking so three of the points off for losing face and being a visibly panicked little rodent. Two more for the borderline satirical attempt at “do you know who I am?” No. No one does. 

“You work at the Gauntlet? I’m surprised you get an office, let alone such a big office.”

• 6/10 — Being lenient here because he’s probably being genuine. Four points off for being condescending and an unemployed engineering major who graduated years ago but still slides into the DMs of girls that are in school and tries to belittle them. I would tell you to go hang out with women your age but it’s pretty self-explanatory why you don’t.

“When you get older, I’m going to find you and marry you.” – Said to me at the age of 14, by an elderly, homeless man who opened the door to the mall for me and followed me around for five minutes. 

• 1/10 — One point for being a utilitarian and combining pedophilia, misogyny and racism — I was wearing a headscarf — all-in-one catcall. That’s what I call efficiency. Perhaps, instead of using that go-getter attitude to be predatory towards underage Muslim girls, use it to brush up that resume and get a job. 

JULIEANNE: NEWS EDITOR

“What did you expect? Not my fault you dated an exotic girl.”

• 3/10 — Imagine you’ve been dating a guy for a week and one day you find out his friends call you “Jalapeño Baby” for being “feisty” — to borrow from their terms. Then when the guy you’re dating asks about it they respond like this. Three points cause I like jalapeños, but minus seven points for racism. 

“Where were you when I got here? I would have gone for you.”

• 5/10 — I worked at a retirement home for a year as a receptionist. One day a resident came up to me and called me beautiful and talked about how he immigrated to Canada back in the 40s and told me he wished I had been there to marry him at the time. Five points cause it could have been worse — five points off because his wife was standing right next to him.

AVA: OPINIONS & HUMOUR EDITOR

“Are you sure? ‘Cause here it says you’re allergic to your boyfriend.” – The pharmacist who administered my third COVID shot, after I clearly confirmed I have no allergies. 

• 3/10 — Points, only because it was so unexpected it made me laugh out loud. But points off for numerous assumptions made. Also points off for unprofessional behaviour and creating an unsafe environment for me as a patient referring to him for health service provision. 

“You should smile more, sweetheart.” – A slimy man at a mall parking lot. 

• -2/10 — Yuh, he does get a negative rating. Points off for lack of originality, for making assumptions, for pestering, and inserting himself in a narrative that in no way, shape or form concerned him, yet his “masculine” energy could not stop him from meddling, and then having the audacity to tell me what to do. To quote Eric Effiong, “UNCALLED FOR AND UNNECESSARY.” 

MEGAN: VISUALS EDITOR

“If I saw you hiking alone, I’d steal you from behind a tree ;)”

• 1/10 — This was a man’s opening message to me on Tinder. Granted, I had some photos of me hiking, so one point for actually looking at my profile. Still…blocked and reported for potentially dangerous behaviour. 

“Are you putting out?”

• -5000/10 — I was 12 at the beach with my friends and the man was old and gross. Scary vibes. Chivalry is dead. 

*grabs my arm* *SNIFFS MY JACKET* “That’s not real leather.” 

• 6/10 — Uncalled for and surprising. He was also wrong. 

“Feminism and hiring more women in the workplace are different. Like, men are just better in the positions that more women want to get hired into.”

• 0/10 — ?????

This article is part of our humour section.