Letting life leave a mark: embracing imperfection
By Leigh Patrick, March 9 2025—
I can’t pinpoint which stain tipped my thinking. Was it the 100th coffee splatter on a white shirt or tea drippings on my journal pages? When I finally embraced the stains, I stopped feeling like I was failing and began to live. Through this journey, stains became tangible reminders that I forgot to be perfect long enough to get messy. They became markers of presence, reminders of my connection to the world around me.
Perfectionism often stems from various mental health struggles. It is a coping mechanism for OCD, trauma and anxiety. My need to be perfect at all hours of the day stemmed from my anxiety. It became a way to feel like I was normal and thriving. Overcoming this has been a long and difficult journey—one that didn’t happen overnight.
The idea of becoming stained with love is not about pressuring you to let everything go and let the chips fall where they may. It is a small step in dealing with this unbearable need to be perfect all the time, framing stains as small acts of self-compassion and reflections that we have lived fully in our lives — if only long enough to spill some coffee.
As a lover of white shirts and dark drinks, stains are inevitable. Coffee rings line my desk and drip colour onto the cuffs of my button-downs. Pen ink crawls up my wrists, sometimes over my lips and cheeks during intense study sessions. Grass stains bloom on my jeans after afternoons in the sun. Avoiding stains would mean constant vigilance — an exhausting way to live.
To become stained isn’t a failure but a reminder that we were immersed in the moment. We spilled, smudged and forgot to be perfect — and that’s okay. Embrace the stain as evidence you exist.
Of course, this is easier said than done. It is one thing to say, “Look, the stain is shaped like a heart!” Truly accepting its presence without resentment is another matter. For some, perfectionism is a lighthearted quirk; for others, it is a shield against an uncontrollable world.
It is important to recognize that stains can spark anxiety. It is valid to feel overwhelmed. Embracing life’s messiness isn’t about glorifying chaos but inviting gentleness toward life’s imperfections.
Viewing life’s stains as moments of self-compassion can be a simple yet life-changing shift. Instead of viewing the coffee stain on your sweater as confirmation that you’re a clumsy oaf, see it as proof you were immersed in a conversation with a beloved friend rather than monitoring your every move. Smudged highlighter colours and pen ink crawling up your palms are signs of your hard work and dedication to learning and growing. Even a tear in your favourite book — an event that still makes my heart scream — is evidence the book is well-loved rather than neglected.
The stains of daily life remind us that we are present, immersed in love, and creating memories. They are traces of the moments when we loosen our grip on perfection and simply live. Embracing stains doesn’t erase perfectionism — it offers us the grace to exist beyond it. Maybe the best stories aren’t written on pristine white pages but in life’s spills and smudges — the quiet proof that we are living, loving, and learning, one imperfect moment at a time.