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Our horoscopes know what hit 2019 song will define your semester

By Frankie Hart, November 28 2018 —


(Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)

“Old Town Road” feat. Billy Ray Cyrus by Lil Nas X

Based on your final exam marks, you will either ride a horse or drink lean at some point during winter break.


(Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)

“Baby” by Lil Baby & DaBaby

Your main lesson to take away from this semester is that you are, in fact, baby. Do with this information what you will.


(Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)

“Don’t Call Me Angel” by Ariana Grande, Miley Cyrus & Lana Del Rey

Your semester will end with a group project that will ultimately go okay, but one group member is clearly less invested than the others.


(Feb. 19 – March 20)

“7 Rings” by Ariana Grande

You’ll cope with this whirlwind of a semester by indulging in a little retail therapy. Well, it was supposed to only be a little. You’ll spend all of your student loans on friendship rings with six of your bitches.


(March 21 – April 19)

“Lights Up” by Harry Styles

It’s been such a rough one that you’ll just take the L on your finals and skip ahead to holiday festivities. While everyone else is cramming under the fluorescent lights in the TFDL, you’ll be at home stringing up Christmas lights. Hell yeah.


(April 20 – May 20)

“Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi

Any momentum you had for preparing for finals will fall apart when you discover that the McDonald’s employee that always gave you an extra nugget no longer works there.


(May 21 – June 20)

“Panini” by Lil Nas X

You will celebrate miraculously passing all your classes by treating yourself to a tasty panini. Nice.


(June 21 – July 22)

“Señorita” by Shawn Mendes & Camila Cabello

You’ll somehow fail Spanish, whether or not you’re even taking it. You might want to ask enrolment services about that.


(July 23 – Aug. 22)

“Truth Hurts” by Lizzo

You may be “100 per cent that bitch,” but your final mark is 60 per cent this semester. The truth does hurt.


(Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)

“You Need To Calm Down” by Taylor Swift

You’ll look back at the semester and realize that this whole time, you were one of those assholes always picking fights and playing devil’s advocate in class. 


(Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)

“How Do You Sleep?” by Sam Smith

You will manage to pull through this semester, but not without pulling many all-nighters. How do you sleep? On the bus, mostly. 


(Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)

“Never Really Over” by Katy Perry

Due to a series of pop quizzes, drawn-out group assignments and never-ending papers, your semester will never feel like it’s really over. Even after exams end, you’ll wake up in the middle of the night in a sweat, thinking that you have slept in and missed your final. I guess it’s never really over.

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